Painful Love (Anna’s POV) (YuriAnnin)
School. A perfect place to meet your friend, learn, grow up. I loved going to school. It was before, now I hated it. They bullied me all the day. When I went to school until I left it. They? Kizaki and her friends.
I was walking in the corridor, stressed. As usual, I tried to not look around me, to ignore all the students. I felt bad. I always felt bad and anxious. I was afraid of hearing my name or something else. Suddenly, something hit my back. It wasn’t hurt but I knew who it was…
“Are you all right?” Yuria made fun of me while her friends laughed loudly.
I didn’t turn around and continued to walk. I knew she will not leave me but I tried anyway. She didn’t let me go and grabbed my shoulder, pushing me to the floor.
“It’s not the time to sleep!” Yuria laughed, squatting in front of me.
I wanted to stand up and punch her with all my strength but I couldn’t. I was scared of her. I wasn’t strong enough and she had her friends. We heard a few footsteps coming toward us. I hoped someone will come to help me.
“What happened here? Are you okay Iriyama-san?” Yokoyama-sensei asked, worried, while I stood up slowly and avoided her look.
“She stumbled, we help her.” Yuria smirked.
Yokoyama-sensei looked at me, as for waiting explanation. I wanted to tell her, Yuria bullied me but I couldn’t, so, I just nodded slowly. Why couldn’t I speak?
“Be careful.” Our teacher said.
I took my bag and left the bullies quickly, hoping them to not follow me.
Yuria bullied only me. Yet, it was not the same for her friends. Yuria’s friends bullied everybody, no matter who it was. When Yuria wasn’t here, I felt relaxed. In fact, I always thought that was strange. Why did she bully only me? Why didn’t she bully someone else? It was just… I wondered.
Yuria was sitting next to me. Like usual, it was better for disturb me. Someone was reading aloud. The rest of the classroom was completely quiet. However, a noisy sound disturbed the silence and made the teacher turn toward me. My pencil case fell on the floor. I distinguished all the gaze toward me. I looked down and picked it, I heard Yuria giggling quietly like an idiot. I felt bad, my cheeks flushed. I didn’t like to be noticed.
I walked quickly toward the school’s exit. I wanted to come back home. I wanted to be in a peaceful place. I wanted to go out of here. But something snapped my thought, again.
“Are you in a hurry Anna?” A girl’s voice said.
No. Not again. I ignored them and ran away but she grabbed my arms tightly and made me turned around. Then, she released me and came closer. I realized it wasn’t Yuria but her friend.
“Answer me!” She yelled and pushed me violently.
I fell on the ground. It was hurt, I didn’t want to move anymore. I saw a fist raising toward my face. I closed my eyes, afraid. My heart pounded faster in my chest. Yuria never hit me directly, nobody hit me like this. But this time it was not her…
“Oi!” Someone yelled, behind the girl. “Don’t punch her!”
“Why? You said-” The girl started speaking but she was interrupted by Yuria who grabbed her collar.
“You don’t need to hit her.” She answered while I hid the sun with my hand to see her.
It was the first time she stopped one of her friends who was bullying me, they never hit me. Why did she stop her? Did she go… too far? I stood up quickly and rubbed my head. I ran to my house. I reached it and opened the door, breathless. I was shaking. I didn’t understand what just happened.
“Are you okay sweetie?” My mother asked, worried.
“Yes.” I answered coldly and went to my room.
I never told my mother about what happened at school. I knew, I should have done it but… I didn’t know why I couldn’t. I didn’t understand myself. I shut my room’s door and laid down on my bed. I slowly closed my eyes but Yuria’s face appeared. She? Why now…?
I walked next to my friend, Rina. I felt better when she was next to me. She was my only friend but we didn’t meet each other too often. We weren’t in the same school.
“Ah! I need to go home now!” She shouted, in the middle of the street.
“Eh? Why now?” I asked a little stunned by my friend’s action.
“I forgot to tell you, I have something to do. I’m sorry Annin.” She said before to run and leave me alone.
I let out a light sigh, looking at my friend. I started walking home but I passed in front of a little park and decided to stop here. Behind a tree, I could hear a young girl crying. I felt bad for the girl. Should I help her? Yes, I guessed it was better for her to not be alone. I squatted in front of her and patted her head gently.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked softly.
The young girl raised her head toward me. Her eyes were red and the tears didn’t stop flowing on her cheeks but I recognized Yuria and I stood up quickly. Why? She cried. Could she? I mean, Yuria was a yankee, she used to be black hearted. She grabbed my arm and didn’t want to let me go. She looked at me, as hopeless. Her eyes looked different.
“I-I’m sorry…” She said while I stared at her, dumbfounded.
Then, she slowly released her catch and I left her without talking. What was wrong with her?! Why did she apologize? But, her words… Was it real? Did she mean it? I didn’t know and I didn’t understand…
I was going to my activities club. I was part of the manga’s Club. Read mangas and watch animes were my most important hobbies, I really liked it. I pushed the door slowly and walked inside. Alone. I was alone, nobody was there. No. I could see a figure sit on a school’s chair. I reached it but the person stood up quickly and grabbed my wrists.
“What do you- What are you doing here?!” I shouted, looking at the girl.
Yuria didn’t answer and pushed me against the wall still holding me. Will she hurt me? Why? I wanted her to let me go.
“It’s your fault…” She said, mad.
“Release me!” I yelled but she didn’t care. “You apologized last time but you didn’t mean it, right? You don’t care about me. I can’t understand you. Just leave me alone!”
I never raised my voice against her, I never answered her. I was stunned by my own words. She looked at me, surprised. Yet, she released my wrists. A few tears rolled on my cheeks. I started leaving her but she called my name. I didn’t know why but… I stopped myself and turned around. I felt her hand on my wrist but gently, I didn’t dare to move. I felt her lips against mine. My eyes were wide open. I pushed her with all my strength and slapped her. The sound was noisy, I surely left a red mark on her cheek. She looked down while I left the place. I hated her so much! She bullied me, she apologized and she stole my first kiss! Stupid Yuria… There was something in my heart… not pain but… guilt. Why? I couldn’t understand me because I didn’t need to feel guilty, it was not as if Yuria was my friend, right?
I was in a park, I was alone, sitting on a bench. I was waiting for my friend. It was cold. I rubbed my hands to warm me.
“Ah! Annin!” Rina shouted, walking toward me.
“Hey, why did you want to see me, now?” I asked with a little smile when she sat next to me.
“Please, don’t hate me… I-I-We…We know each other since a long time…” She started speaking before pausing for a few seconds.
Was something wrong? Did she do something wrong?
“And… I need to tell you… I love you Anna.” She said without looking at me.
I stayed stunned. Love? I thought we were friends. I couldn’t love her. I didn’t feel the same. But I didn’t want to hurt her. I remained quiet for a few seconds before speaking again.
“Rina I-” Someone interrupted suddenly my sentence, pulling Rina’s collar.
“She’s mine.” The girl said without leaving Rina’s eyes.
What was she doing here? I wasn’t hers! This girl, I hated her.
“Stop it! Don’t touch my friend.” I yelled while Yuria released Rina. “I don’t lo- I hate you!” I shouted at Yuria.
Rina looked at me, walking back before running away. I wanted to scream her name but I couldn’t… I didn’t want to her leave me. After a few seconds, I looked at Yuria, she was standing up in front of me. She broke everything.
“Why?” I asked but she didn’t answer. “Why?” I yelled again.
We stayed quiet. The snow danced around us. I was cold. I didn’t understand her. I finally started leaving.
“Wait!” She said while I stopped myself. “I’m sorry…” She asked in a sad voice.
It was the first time that I saw her so fragile if I dared to say it. Yet, I didn’t want to hear her apologies and I walked again. I felt something was wrong. Did I really hate her?
Rina loved me… Could we stay friend? I hoped we could. And… Yuria… Yuria… Yuria… I didn’t see that her name sounds cute. Hey! What was I thinking?! That couldn’t be cute… I hated her! I hated her! I hated her! I hated her! I… hated her! I… lo-loved her… The kiss, I wanted to feel her soft lips again… I didn’t want to feel her painful touches anymore. Could I say it? I loved her. It was a painful love. Why? I couldn’t have feelings for her. But, my heart wanted something else than hating her.
“What are you doing?” My mom asked while I opened the house’s door.
“I need to go somewhere!” I answered and ran in the cold.
I was going to the park, I didn’t know where I could find her… I looked around me. I made out the tree, a girl is crying, hugging her knees. It was Yuria. I knew it was her.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
She looked at me, the tears rolling on her cheeks. I showed a warm smile. I needed to tell her.
“So, what happened?” I asked again.
“She hates me…” She answered, trying to stop her sobbing.
So, she had a trouble with someone. I didn’t think Yuria could be… sensible.
“Who?” I sat next to her.
“The girl that I love…” She lowered her head, avoiding my eyes.
So, she loves someone, she loves a girl. Why did she kiss me? I didn’t understand.
“And… why does she hate you?”
“Because I was afraid of my feelings, so, I hurt her.” I blushed at her words.
Hurt? Wait. Was it me? It was… possible, right?
“I’m sorry.” She wiped her tears away and looked at me.
“Yuria… I love you…” I said, taking all my strength to tell these feelings.
I said it. Finally, I felt free. Was it okay to love her? She moved her arm but I recoiled. Yuria looked down and stood up.
“Sorry…” She mumbled and turned around.
She understood I was afraid. Why did I move back? I didn’t want to be afraid anymore. I didn’t let her go and grabbed her arm to make her look at me again. I pulled her into a warm hug. I felt her arms warping my waist gently. It was the first time. I felt great. Her arms were warm, I liked it.
“I love you… but, I hurt you, I was stupid and I don’t deserve-”
“Yuria.” I made her stop her ramblings. “I love you.” I added, stroking her cheek gently.
“I promise, I’ll not hurt you anymore.” She told me, turning away her eyes from me.
I didn’t understand how I could fall in love with her. But I didn’t care. All I knew, it was that my heart beat faster when she was around. I felt it right now, her love. I didn’t notice it before. Still in the embrace, I leaned to taste her soft lips again. When we pulled away, she showed me a light smile.
“Thank you.” She whispered while a single tear flow on her red cheek.